Liberation

From the river to the sea…

On my Instagram account @yahomied I created a highlight on the profile page featuring the flag of Palestine 🇵🇸. There you can interact with those stories to find places and charities to donate to, to help the people and children of Palestine. I will try to update it and keep it current as I get information.

And while we’re talking about Palestine, we can’t forget about Tigray, Congo, and all other displaced peoples fighting for liberation all over the world.

What this terrible time has taught me, after all the unlearning and scraping away my callous world view, is that while this is hard for me, it does not compare to how hard it is for the people living this nightmare.

I can barely comprehend it, I can’t even donate money myself because I’m trying to make ends meet but as I scrape together stories and campaigns and pledges I expose myself to the horror and violence of the world, the same horror and violence you read in history books, the same horror and violence you’d think we’re left behind in those same history books.

Like is this really the mark of a first world country? To disenfranchise as many people, even its own for the possibility of a larger bank statement? On dwindling resources that many in power right now won’t live to benefit from? To create a world so impoverished of its former abundance and yet expect a future generation to maintain its rape and destruction?

It boggles the mind.

Like I’m considering starting up therapy again just to talk about Palestine, I mean anywhere you look on social media you see a slice of it, how could this be ignored?

AND THEN THE CONGO!

Basically if you have an electric device you’ve benefitted off of the pillaging of the Congo.

How the fuck are you supposed to digest that?

Like it’s great that I’ve opened up and become a bit more empathetic for my fellow man even those flying a different colored flag but how do I attribute for my powerlessness as I watch the war machines death march through lands that were better off left alone?

Just confusion and angst are all I’m feeling, as I watch corpses juxtapose against memes and nihilistic comedy on social media.

I am not a proud American, and with the knowledge I have now I don’t know if I ever will be.

Bravery

From the River to the Sea.

I’m back in Boston after a hectic 48 hours quickly traveling to and from Virginia for my mother’s birthday.

I really appreciate her husband for doing his damndest to treat her with all the love and respect he thinks she deserves and more, she was very happy, and surprised that myself and my brother happened to be there, it was a lovely affair and she’s still celebrating today.

I think about my own relationships, as they are high school sweethearts, and I seem to be some thirty something year old that has a problem with his hygiene. Of course, now as I type I remember someone showed me a cousin of there’s that got married in their 40’s, and how I’m living now does not have to be the end all be all, this is just temporary.

I want to comment on the Israel and Palestine conflict, about the student encampments, but I feel like I don’t have anything of meaning to say, nothing to say that will help the student activists, who I wholeheartedly stand behind.

It’s strange to me to see people I know, so passionately against the status qu and big government, but so dispossessed as to be more apathetic to the cause than to support it, or anything for that matter.

All I know is that we must try our best, yet some of my “solutions” I think bring more harm than good.

Anyway!

Survival

I know that title is a bit dramatic, and before we begin:

From the river to the sea, Palestine will be free 🇵🇸 🍉

—————

What’s up party people in the place to be?

I almost wrote a blog entry on April 1st, ya’know, the fools day, but I’m behind in school work. It wouldn’t have been humorous either way.

There’s just so much going on at once, and I don’t understand how an individual civilian is supposed to take it all in and process it.

Of course, we aren’t supposed to, and I think now is one of the best times to band together as one people to combat injustice.

I live in the United States, where everyone seems to agree that our “empire” is falling, but I’m so incredibly anxious to see what comes next. Hopefully a governing body that cares about its citizens, more than it cares to funnel in migrants as expendable labor.

I don’t hate migrants, btw.

But I’m in bed, trying not to consider the problems of tomorrow or yesteryear, winding down with a YouTube video and wondering if I’ll ever love again, or at least get away from this curse that is psychosis and my ex.

Woe is me, truly, but there are those that have it so much worse.

I can’t begin to fathom their suffering.

And then, their perseverance.

A girl I was seeing for a while would go “that’s intense.”

yeah,

“Intense”

That’s the word.

Gore Porn

I have nothing eloquent to say.

I just watched a video of the Palestinian people thanking and praising God for a bag of flour.

I don’t know what to feel anymore.

What to do.

What to say.

I’m not shocked, sad, surprised…

In my cool spring room as I watch YouTube with a stable internet connection I can feel the boil of rage start to simmer.

So many outspoken individuals, many leagues more qualified than me, speak out against this violation of human rights.

Nothing changes.

Soldiers kill children.

Aid kills children.

And I think “maybe this is just for shock value, maybe things aren’t that bad.”

But a friend told me if it weren’t that shocking, it wouldn’t be talked about.

I’m tired of fighting.

I think about the scene in Ruroni Kenshin, where Kenshin almost loses to Shishio and then revives because the voices of his friends are calling him.

But my friends are different.

If they aren’t already sharing on the ground information, they don’t want to share it, they don’t want to see it, or they don’t care at all.

I know, I’m not one for marching and protests I know. But I do my part!

I write to politicians!

I can share on social media!

In my own way I can at least spread awareness!

But the crushing pestle of indifference grinding me into the mortar of American life until I’m some soft, malleable salve, spread thing across movements, politics and policies I could never hope to solve on my own seems to be working effectively.

Should I too, avert my eyes?

Should I too, shut out their suffering, to focus on my own bliss?

Numbed by media and junk foods?

Selfishly pursuing self-improvement?

Constantly turning the wheel of an economy that everyone seems to think is on the brink of collapse?

Can I really summon the spirit of my 13 year old youth, thinking that I knew everything there was to know but too young to own their own ignorance while they reveled in it?!

It’s madness, where we are in this world.

We have so much power together, potential, purpose, and yet it’s as if we can touch that source and never grasp.

The French seem to know what they’re doing, but there’s is a culture of revolution.

You’d think Americans would remember their culture…

But maybe they do, and maybe that’s why I too, crave violence.

Support for Palestinian Lives

From the River to the Sea, Palestine will be free.

Here is a link to a few gofundme campaigns to help support families trying to leave Gaza:

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1vtMLLOzuc6GpkFySyVtKQOY2j-Vvg0UsChMCFst_WLA/edit

You can copy and paste it in your browser and don’t worry, it just opens a Google document, Google sheets to be exact.

I’m updating this blog from my phone so I’m having a hard time formatting that link to make it a hyperlink but I’ll do that when I get on a computer.

So where do I begin? What’s the update?

My therapist would be glad to know that I’m spending time with people, friends, friends of friends, having dinners and all gathering abound the world peace providing light of Pokémon GO.

I’ve had “breakthrough psychosis” about my ex but I’ve been handling it as best as I can, really just writing it down and making a list of the songs that remind me of her. These songs aren’t bad necessarily but I do wish I’d be able to think of someone else, ya’know?

What I wish for even more is that we could just talk again. I don’t think that’s unreasonable but it feels as if there’s just no give on her end.

Doesn’t matter how much I dream about her.

Probably wouldn’t matter if I tried to get in touch with her.

“No means no” I suppose.

And of course, I don’t want to get arrested by the Norwegian authorities again, no thanks.

I saw this before I started writing this blog:

It says:

“To make someone forget another person is impossible. Someone can forget an event, someone can forget an item, but no one can forget someone else.”

I can’t read the name but I could probably google it.

Anyway I think about this, and remember her, and also I realize I’ve probably cursed her to remember me for the rest of our existence as well.

I’d prefer it to be good memories, without having an idea of what turned our relationship sour to begin with. But now I suppose the only “good” thing about me is that I leave her alone, from her perspective anyway.

Still, I’m stuck loving white women, and thinking since Norway didn’t work, I should try my hand at Sweden. Half joking.

I think a bigger thing about this is that I’ve come to this odd realization that I find myself being attracted to pretty much incompatible women.

Like yeah I’m a horn dog, no doubt about that, but I think I can like, settle down with just about anybody.

It’s utopian if anything, but not realistic, I suppose.

Still, that’s the dream I’m chasing.

Why not be with whom your heart desires?

Should I be forced to date within my race just because society tells me I’ll be happier?

Would I really know peace? Or would I run away from that person in other ways? Infidelity, really.

And there’s nothing wrong with black women.

But I honestly feel like the nerdy, sexy, geek and nymphomaniac, strong woman in the streets freak in the sheets Nubian Goddess is just a product of my over active imagination combined with my parasocial relationships with online female personalities, lightly spiced with a pornography addiction.

If it’s possible, excellent, but if I’m being real, I think I’ll just keep on wandering, and searching for new love.

Anyway.

My video game backlog keeps getting bigger and bigger as well, but it’s just, I gotta get through this schooling phase. Then I can play as many games and make as much art as I want.

That’s what I’ve been telling myself anyway.

Later Gators!

"Does anyone else only want to be 'Inspirational' ?"

Hi, my name is Daniel Fairclough and in the year 2011 I was diagnosed with schizo-affective disorder after smoking marijuana recreationally.

If there’s enough interest in that story, maybe I’ll go over it in another blog post but what you need to know right now is that sometimes I hear voices in my head.

And ONE of those things those voices say is “Does anyone else want to be inspirational?” As if my career will only amount to being an inspiration for others, but I want reach the Hall of Fame in any of my endeavors.

It’s annoying, and not for the fact that I want to be famous, but for the idea that they can’t chart and determine my life’s worth and my value at a glance.

And you may be saying:

“But Daniel, these are hallucinations with no basis in reality! The world’s your oyster! You can do whatever you put your mind to!”

Doesn’t make it less annoying.

And I never aimed to be an Earth Shattering success. I don’t plan to make millions of dollars on my art work, or to become a household name type of actor, but as I continue down this road I’m traveling, in terms of my career, I seem to be moving towards movie and television production. While that’s interesting, I’m not certain that it’s for me. All the same I feel, the more I hear this one-liner, that I almost have to prove it wrong.

From what I’ve seen, to be a successful artist, to be able to live off of the art you make, you need some sort of notoriety. People at least have to have heard about you, and I think right now my name echoes in the halls of none, but I can’t say with any certainty that I want it to be any different. I’m comfortable pursuing a nine to five and paying the bills on time.

I thought about it the other day as well. A friend I used to have, that seems to have disappeared from social media, is the one that put the idea of being a famous artist in my head. It’s his fault for planting this stupid fucking ear-worm but I’ve already taken it to the next level by publishing a book, I’ve taken my first step through the portal. How far I travel has yet to be determined…

"How to make love to a negro without getting tired"

That’s the title of a novel if I recall correctly, not the name of this blog, but there will be shared themes lol.

Before we start:

From the river to the sea, Palestine will be free.

Now let us continue.

What’s up, are you stepping in the name of love this Black History Month? I think we get an extra day cause it’s 2024, a leap year, and also the year of the dragon.

Found this article saying Gen Z has less sex, and honestly, good for them. As an aging millennial, feeling outcast by the women of his age range, and cursed with the thought that he’ll be a sugar daddy at some point in his early 50’s or later, I kind of like the idea of finding someone, even if they’re younger, that wants to take things slow.

Truth of the matter is I’m out of shape and out of the dating game, and I don’t know whether or not I want to jump back in.

I’ve tried free pornography

I’ve paid for onlyfans

As of right now I’m thinking about going back to any triple x brick and mortar store I can find to look for something special to get my rocks off. Something to sate my porn poisoned brain.

I don’t hope to find a younger person, a person my age would suit me fine, maybe even a little older, but I think at least for right now, I’m being lumped in with the undesirables, and you have to make do with the cards you’re dealt if that’s the case. That’s how I see it.

Maybe it’s the city

maybe it’s the people

maybe it’s me

but whatever the case is, it’s not happening for me.

______________________________________________

I got a letter from the President yesterday talking about the war in Palestine, and how the government is doing everything in it’s power to push for a two state solution and end the killing of innocent civilians.

“Yeah right.”

I thought to myself, and typed just now.

The news, the eye witness reporting, the activism, it’s all having a bludgeoning effect on me.

Day after day I’m pounded with information about injustices and it feels like everywhere you fucking look, someone is fucking up the environment, engaging in slavery, trying to bust up unions, not funding local school districts enough, and it just goes on and on and on.

My buddy said I shouldn’t take it upon myself to try and fix the world’s problems but I’m honestly already too far gone. My person favorite form of activism is to write letters/e-mails to politicians and state officials but the ink has been running dry lately.

I’d share a place to donate money too so that Palestinians get enough food and water to eat but Israel is blocking that same life saving service with armed forces. Like the UN needs its own private military to do work. It’s insane. It’s really insane, and after getting over the “shock factor” of it all I still can’t seem to find the right combination of vowels, consonants and syllables to really make it click for someone, someone that might have existed generations before me, because those are the people in power, the people that can do something about this. But maybe it’s not my words the world is looking for, not yet at least.

_____________________

Anyway, I want to start a newsletter something “community building,” something people can interact with that isn’t just a blog. I got all these grand ideas in my head but I really need to get them started, get a plan on paper and just go for it.

School obviously comes first. I have a great opportunity right now and I can’t waste it, I know, but AFTER school is all said and done, what’s next?

That’s what stays on my mind.

____________________________

I hope you all have a happy Valentines Day,

I’m gonna go on a date with Palmela Henderson and pick out a fine selection of scented oils,

I hope your day is just as invigorating and sensual.

Take care, and I’ll see you in the next one!

HNY: 2024- "Tension"

Free Palestine.

As I sit her with my sides burning, the tension of my curved spine while I hunch a little to type on my computer this blog entry I only wish that I had done this yesterday. It’s only 1 day behind, Happy New Year everybody.

It’s hard to care about everything going on in the world and enjoy the holidays, so I suppose that’s why I didn’t see many people mentioning what is going on in Gaza, or the Congo, or Ukraine, or Venezuela and Guyana, etc.

Talks about football, being chastised for not giving enough gifts, bringing alcohol no one drank, congratulating people about their movements up and down the corporate ladder, and worrying about bills.

Almost everything else under the sun I talked about and ruminated over but current world events.

Ya’know, the world feels so different when you put down your phone.

But then I got back to Boston,

Back to the guerrilla flyers,

back to the protests,

back to the 24/7 third party coverage.

I hit the ground running.

I’m taking care of a friends dogs,

school starts on the 22nd

I have a dentist appointment to go to,

I need to submit a form to get my associates degree,

and somewhere find the money to pay for classes.

I see 2024 as a year of opportunity, I just have that feeling about it.

A chance to mature financially,

a chance to break free from the few chains that bind me.

I’ve been thinking about my ex, Ingeborg, a lot in the past few weeks since Christmas but not enough to write to her.

I don’t know that she would even care to read what I had to say, but not with just her, I find myself wishing I was still on speaking terms with many people I have loved and lost as I claw tooth and nail to where I am now.

I want to share success with people.

I want to party with all my fiends at once.

I want to stop the yearly ebb and flow of new and old faces that are the crashing waves in the sea of time.

I guess I’m holding on to the past, which is kind of ironic to realize as we enter into a new year,

but it’s not like I’m unable to let go.

I’ve let go,

but perhaps I have further to go to get away from it all.

Peace out cub scouts,

Happy New Year.

Have a Holly, Jolly, Christmas

I want to preface this by saying:

Don’t get it Twisted, we’re still about freeing Palestine, and I won’t stop saying that in my blog entries until there’s a ceasefire.

_____

It’s hard to be in the Holiday spirit with the way current events are being told all over the news, at least for me, but I suppose I am looking forward to seeing my family in one room and perhaps offering prayers for those that have lost theirs.

I know thoughts and prayers ain’t much but it doesn’t seem like offering money is either, when aid troops being sent to these places in the world are also being bombed and or gunned down. It’s cruel, vicious, inhumane and any other synonym you can think of. Still, a friend of mine showed me that the out pouring and posting on social media has been positively affecting the world, so I can at least keep doing that, knowing that it’s making a difference.

Aside from all that, the semester is almost over, I got into UMass Boston and I’m gearing up to start orientation and hopefully, get good enough grades to qualify for the Mass Grant Plus program. It’s been a long time coming, and it’ll be another 3-4 years until I get my bachelors degree but the end finally feels like it’s in sight. Something worth celebrating, truly.

I’ve been trying to work out, trying to eat more protein, gaining some muscle and I’m at the point where I need to reach a caloric deficit. I suppose I’ve always needed to be at that point but now it’s like, serious. With the precious time I have in the day that won’t be dedicated to work or homework, I’m trying to think how can I squeeze in at least 300-600 calories burned in exercise. My plan is to not just wake up at 9AM, but to actually get out of bed and work out, maybe use Fitness Boxing on my Switch, or Run Fit. Something I don’t have to think about too much, and then I can lift weights when I come home at night. I feel like I’m brainstorming and getting somewhere at the same time. It just needs one more push. Maybe two.

Currently I’m playing “Dragon Quest Monsters: The Dark Prince.” I really fell in love with the demo and while my backlog grows steadily larger, I feel like I’ll have this game wrapped up quickly and then I can tackle everything else. GTA 6 doesn’t come out until 2025 so there’s plenty of time.

Later Gators, and remember,

From the River, to the Sea.

Free Palestine

Hey Party People in the place to be, the title says what it says.

Some good news: I got into UMass Boston

Some bad news: I’m having a hard time dealing with and processing whats going on in the world right now.

I think it’s kind of odd that there are people that can post and ignore everything thats happening 24/7 on their feed, but in my personal instagram account I can’t, at least I can’t there. That’s where I get a majority of my political news and opinions.

It sucks, and I haven’t donated to any charities because it all feels so pointless, hopeless. What can you do when the powers that be, the literal people that can stop aiming their guns and bombs at children won’t?

I wrote a poem about it but I don’t know if I’m even going to share it, I’m just swallowing the bitter pill that’s telling me you can’t be the only one who cares, and even in community, mass media has the power to completely suppress/ignore a peoples movement, and go on reporting about Taylor Swift at football games or other stupid shit like that.

It fills me with so much rage.