Voices are telling me hallucinations about famous media personalities that hear voices but are successful because they either don’t share what they hear with anybody or they share what they hear to a professional as opposed to me, spilling my thoughts out into cyber space.
they want me to believe one of these successful famous persons is Mr. Beast, among others…
Voices have shifted gears and decided to inspire me to think about the group of young men that were also in your study abroad group.
They say Howard was one of them, and that the age shit and became homosexual to try and figure out what they should have been doing to feed themselves and quench their own thirst.
Howard apparently gets incredibly upset when people make fun of him, because of the hardships he suffered during that trip, and thinks it’s bad enough that I’ve Americanized his name.
Someone in that group “really wanted to make a porno” and in this psychic revelation I’m having we learned that he was “someone from Denmark” but this was in those emails from so long ago that I sent.
Howard sounds like he sucks to hang out with, like a real drag, a party pooper lol, and it’s hard to say that without smirking a bit, if I am to believe these telepathic transmissions, hahaha!
Howard:
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DaJx0XSPwAN/?igsh=MjhmM2M1OWRxc2wz
Me:
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Daeg65mvqjq/?igsh=NjkwYmdkYXlqcmto
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8tS55ud/
🎶 And a sour taste is all I’ll be
In a bitter part of your memory
You can cast my letters to the sea
But you can’t find anyone else like me 🎶
Are these voices trying to convince me to be in love with you? Because it’s not working.
I mean its working a little, its nice to think that you breaking away from everything that makes you Norwegian, for me, is happening, but in the reality that my hands typing this exists in, that isn’t true, it’s not real, I can’t sit here and just be madly in love with a person that despite all my efforts to contact them, they haven’t responded.
Of course I should consider that the voices play the game “everything I say is the opposite” but I’m not logging how many times I’ve misread the cryptic message they try to convey to me via telepathy.
I’m just going up and down over here.
Somehow, in my psychosis, Howard, whom I’ve never heard speak, unless it’s your brother, is trying to “predict my next move.” Act as if he’s completely “figured me out.”
I have nothing to hide, in fact I’d argue that I’ve hid nothing.
In the background there’s some substitute for your voice, telling Howard you’ve chosen him, that he’s what you want, etc etc and all the things that come with those musings.
I’m not sure how to proceed, other than to do what I should continue to do.
I know the reality that’s in front of me, and how to deal with that, and push on with that, much like you have that man, Howard, and I suppose also your child to deal with, and whatever comes with your life on the other side of the world.
Logically that all makes sense, but nothing seems logical about these voices.
Voices keep repeating your “mom” fucked your arse (?) with a fork at the same time you gave your “father” fellatio.
This implies there was more happening in that room that I didn’t see but… what the hell…
If this is all true why did you go back? Why would anybody? I mean, in my mind it was to make sure something like this didn’t happen to a child but holy shit…
So… in my e-mails I showed you a clip, a short video of messages I sent to YLVIS while they were hosting “I kveld med YLVIS” and my main reason was that I wanted to be a joke, I wanted to be made fun of and I wanted no one else to be suffering like I’m suffering if I could just be made into an example.
Today I just went through all of those messages, copying and pasting them into a document so I can publish everything I wrote either in a book or on this blog. I have to HEAVILY edit it however as I did give away some personal details of a few individuals so, that will take time, and it won’t be a top priority either. I already told myself I’d take all the writing I’ve written with you in mind and make it a book, but that is on a back burner somewhere hard and blacked in the kitchen that is my mind.
I’ll get to it.
Eventually.
Do you remember the email I sent with “the women I had been in love with” in your absence?
Voices are talking about one of them now…
More, horror stories about sexual assault but, like many people, she won’t talk to me either.
Not much I can do, and I don’t even want to be writing this blog but, the voices have been chattering about her for at least a half hour now.
That time in London was fun, could’ve been better but those days are behind us, no?
If she would talk to me maybe things would be different.
A brighter future, so to say.
Ah well.
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Da4ptnBOzY7/?igsh=MWdhNXFnZG9sNDBpOA==
Voices say Howard gets an erection every time I blog.
Buddy, the way I was sending emails you’d want to chop your dick off.
You think I couldn’t do that to you?
And yeah yeah that’s just a hallucination but you gotta be reasonable if you’re gonna be a voice in my head. It’s the least you could do.
I was thinking about it today, because I had a good day yesterday (minimal to no voices) that I feel as if I’m being trained or conditioned by my delusions/hallucinations, and I must do everything in my power to remind myself of what reality is.
The delusions/hallucinations make this case that like, if certain conditions are met, certain people leave, etc. you will find your way back into my life to live with me in the United States.
That’s not reality, it can’t be reality.
You’ve already told me you have a wonderful husband.
You already told me you have a child.
You already told me you’d spread racism if I followed through with my actions, and I did.
If I were to believe what you’ve told me, there should be no room to give to these hallucinations.
Time and time again I have to remind myself of that, and maybe thats because “loving you” feels comfortable?
Like I don’t or wouldn’t have to try to hard to remind you of who I was and what potential we would have together.
Realistically we’d be starting from scratch, and as I learn more about Norwegian culture I assume now that starting a family was the final nail in the coffin, if there weren’t any nails in there already.
As my emotions/affection/love drive me insane I still wish you the best, and I want the best for you, regardless of my actions. Life is hard for me, especially with this illness, but as much harm as I may have already brought to you, I don’t want to bring anymore.
I hope you understand and I hope you can forgive me.
Voices called you a bird. Today I learned what that means in the year of our lord 2026:
Jk: https://www.instagram.com/reel/DaJjxf0JMjc/?igsh=ZTRmZmZ0Y2RhZ3dw
Voices are telling me my website is being viewed by more people, and my analytics tool is also saying the same thing.
For those wondering, this is the origin of the picture I use for the Spotify music playlist:
