It took me a while to establish a “Black American” identity, and I’m still learning about the history of African American’s as I approach my 40’s.
I’m trying not to lose my mind as I pay attention to the news, but everyday I wonder how more people “stay in control” or why there aren’t more assassins, homicidal maniacs, that way want to “change the world.” Free Luigi.
Here’s a text message I sent my brother about my dinner last night, just thought I’d share, cause it looks like a small novel on my phone:
“Gonna fuck around and order Pho to the house again. That big ass blue mixing bowl was the move, however, it's getting the right temperature to cook all the meat that matters. (This is random I know I just need to get it out of my head)
What I did was I used my kettle and added the hot water to the broth. Surprisingly it didn't water it down too much, but also I paid like double the price of what I would normally pay if I had just gone in the restaurant and sat down to eat. Not a big fan of that, but it was Sunday night AND Lunar New Year them bitches were PACKED.
Anyway”
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I’m back in school, trying to find a balance between what I want to do and what I need to do but also that 1% of my day is only “14 minutes” so I think, if I put a timer on my phone for 15 minutes I can take a little break and do something I’m interested in. I don’t know how far this will extend, if it will get to my art, because art typically takes longer than 15 minutes, but even if I visit the same piece for 15 minutes a day over multiple days, or do an art exercise for 15 minutes a day, I think I can get value out of that.
Also, I have this funny feeling that I’ve fallen in love. I wrote a poem about it, but it’s still a draft. The idea behind it though is that I feel comfortable, I feel calm, I feel kind of safe, in this new feeling of “love.” It’s unlike any feeling I’ve felt before, in regards to the idea that, love is usually a high. Infatuation, lust, a crush, it feels like a “rush.”
This felt like a warm blanket, enveloping me, like I was aware that my nervous system was calming down.
I’m excited to see where this goes, I don’t think it’ll turn into anything… I don’t know, what I’m trying to say is that I don’t think it will immediately change my life, but I like that I’m feeling this. It’s new. It’s nice.