Self-induced Insomnia

Hello party people in the place to be, it’s Ya Homie D!

God… I should start with that all the time…

Anyway, how are all the lovely people already off to La La Land?

I’ll got to bed soon after I finish writing this, I just stayed up too late last week Saturday and now I’m regretting it.

what I come to you today with is… even more introspection than per usual.

did I even mention that I signed up for www.masterclass.com ?

Well I did, a few months back and I’d been going through videos taking what I can from each lesson. I’m like 3/30 lessons done.

Most recently, I watched the poetry video by Amanda Gorman, the youth poet laureate that recited for President Biden’s inauguration.

What stood out to me near the end of the video series is that she said it was one of her goals to be an inaugural poet. And while I was mildly seething with jealousy at her early career success it hit me:

What are my goals?

What do I want to do with my art?

What do I intend to accomplish?

Art for me has always been a vehicle for self expression.

It never really occurred to me that you have to want something greater, you have to set a goal for yourself to achieve the dream.

I was just holed up drawing pictures because it made me happy, I didn’t want to think about it as a career, a career that could pay my bills.

In high school I had the vague idea that I’d like to be able ti live off of what I created, not at all considering that maybe I’d need a bit of spotlight to ever achieve that.

And it hit me again, I saw a video that someone sees beauty in art that was never meant to be seen.

But I don’t want a collection of work to pile up or throw away in my home that I made at random intervals because doing so made me “feel good.” I think I could at least shoot for the Hail Mary pass and go for a greater achievement.

But I am very uncertain.

with the idea that many famous and successful people didn’t create their first “hit” until their 40’s, I still have a few years under my belt before I reach that “deciding line” and yet, I’m just so unsure of it all.

Is this what I really want?

Can I just give up, do something else?

Will this make me happy?

Am I happy now?

So many question I feel like I’m forgetting to ask myself, unlike what I did in the past.

Life just twisting and turning and here I am, standing amidst the warped road, head empty, moving one step at a time into the unknown…

Like I said, creating makes me feel good, but can I be, can it be more? Greater?

A mentor I had at artists for humanity painted a mural at Dewey Square in Boston and it was reported on in the news. His reflections, what he was thinking while making the project.

But I don’t give a fuck about that either! LMAO

WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!

I’m unsure and confused and yet I feel like I’m onto something.

That even though this path warps and turns I’m still navigating the correct route…

If that makes sense.

Loveless in Foxborough

Whats up party people in the place to be? It’s ya’boi, Dan the Man, back’atcha with another monthly blog post, this time, on the 1st of the month!

Not something I usually do or am able to accomplish but look at me! Doing the thing!

I suddenly remember an impulse purchase I wanted to make a few months back as I write this, kind of random but we move on.

I’m going to start a vlog. A Non-traditional kind of “I’m just pondering” vlog, and I don’t think I’ll be showing my face, just some, backgrounds of places near home, in the city or possibly further out, and I’ve decided on the title “Small Talk” for the series.

What else is new? I got a subscription to “Master Class” and so far it feels like it’s paying dividends. That, and I’m in school doing a poetry class because why wouldn’t I be?

I have no real complaints as I work on my health and ultimately begin to build the body for the better me, but I do crave “love” in a very romantic and carnal form.

If I had anything to complain about it would be about want and lack of that,

and yet,

here we are,

and here we go!

2022 in Retrospect

2022 was a rough year for lil’ol Daniel Fairclough.

I suffered an episode of my schizo-affective disorder but managed to contain it enough so that I didn’t have to go to a hospital (for the 6th or 7th time) but all through that episode I had wild notions and accussations about she-who-shall-not-be-named where I developed trust issues.

Thoughts that she was unfaithful during our brief time together.

That she made fun of me at every turn.

That I should’ve known better with my teenage naïveté.

In the end, it’s a chapter of my life I don’t believe I’ll ever get any answers from in regards to the other party, but I’ve become better at being able to leave it where it belongs, in the past.

I’ve started taking my health more seriously, and even managed to lose some weight and inches.

A few hours ago I spent Top Dollar on some workout equipment for the home that I plan to make use of all throughout the year of our Lord, 2023.

As the new year ticks on, and I sit at this desk counting the seconds until my overnight shift is over with, a key revelation for me as the New Year Dawned was “Gratitude.”

In a tweet somewhere deep in the abyss known as the internet, I wrote something like “I am experiencing Gratitude everyday!”

Love, Laughter and Gratitude, from my co-workers and the “higher ups” we’ll call them.

With all the ups and downs I’ve experienced I feel truly blessed to be where I am today and I know, I’m not a millionaire or billionaire, I don’t have a college degree or even someone to go home and love on, but without all of that, I’m still happy, I still feel joy! And that’s incredible. Maybe it doesn’t take much to put a smile on my face sure, but still I’ve been beaming.

So with that being said, do I have any New Years Resolutions?

In short: No.

Years ago I told myself “Whatever you didn’t finish last year, you do next year,” so I kind of have a “To-Do List” that stretches as far back as like 2017 or something. Still, like a Marble Sculpture I’m chipping away at the things on the list. “Rome wasn’t built in a Day” and all that jazz.

But I do plan to workout more, something I never even considered until recently, and do a better job of taking care of my hygiene. Now, that doesn’t mean I smell like a sewer, no, but I have dry skin, and I want to get that in check, mostly.

Now for a Rant:

I recently finished this book on Audible: “In the Buddhas Words” as I’ve begun to re-examine my Buddhist Foundation and I was kind of shock when I found myself thinking “The Theravadyans are just lazy…”

Jump to a few days ago I see this guy Matthieu Richard, a Tibetan Buddhist Monk, is the “Happiest Man on Earth.” Something like he has a larger than average part of his brain that has more activity when it comes to happiness or something. I don’t know, they did some science on him you can look it up.

My point is: Instead of me being in awe and reverence of Buddhism, I got fucking angry. After coming to the conclusion that monks in India were just fucking lazy, Holier than thou Hobos, I was pissed at these articles for trying to upsell literally “sitting down and thinking about all the love you could give and receive.” Like So Fucking What!? He’s a MONK, WHAT THE FUCK DOES HE EVEN HAVE TO PAY BILLS!? YOU’D BE MORE PRODUCTIVE JUST BEING MISERABLE. And I know people say things “uh well if we didn’t have capitalism and all of our needs met what would you/we do?” I DON’T KNOW BUT I DON’T THINK IT’D BE SIT AROUND FUCKING DAY DREAMING ABOUT HOW GOOD LIFE COULD BE AND THEN GIVING ME SOME BULLSHIT ADVICE LIKE YOU KNOW MY LIFE AND HOW I HANDLE MYSELF DAY TO DAY!!!

sigh

And hey, I don’t know this guy either, but the Theravadyans are lazy and the Mahayanans are Nihilists. Buddhism, after being so angry, seems to me like another extension of the Capitalist Machine, meant to sell you your serotonin by telling you to “see the calm in the daily commute” when they’re are two jackknifed trucks quickly leaking gasoline and another engine is about to catch on fire and turn the freeway into 9th circle of hell.

What I’m saying is, even this “Monks perspective” needs fucking perspective.

You’d be better off being miserable.

And this is not sage or expert advice, but you could sit down and dream about Playing a Playstation 5 or you could go out and buy PlayStation 5, and actually fucking play it.

One takes a lot more work and sacrifice, but still, you’d get what you want.

That’s all I’m saying,

as bad or niche of an example as that is.

Happy New Year Everybody,

and Here’s to Many more!

Happy New Year!

I went to Florida to spend time with my family for Christmas.

I liked the people of Florida, they were all friendly enough, but there didn’t seem to be a public transportation system in sight in the area we were in. Makes me realize that I’m comfortable in Boston with its MBTA and all. If I move anywhere else, it’ll probably be a city, unless I start driving soon. 


Hope you’ve had a happy holiday, and I hope you have a Happy New Year!

Harvestella

What’s up party people in the place to be?!

It’s ya’boi, Dan the Man, coming at’cha again with anothe blog entry to grace your beautiful face.

The holiday season is upon us and for at least 5 out of 7 days I’ll be spending some of my time in a warmer climate.

I guess with the end of the year, and likely my last blog entry until next year it’d be a good time to reflect, no?

Well, I’d been struggling with my mental health this year since all the way back in June, believe it or not, but by the grace of God or sheer force of will I managed not to send myself to a hospital this time around.

In reflecting on that, I’m thankful, for one, and also realizing that I’ve come a long way since I was first diagnosed in 2011.

Be that as it may, I hope to not have any symptoms all of next year, if possible, lmao.

Peace, Beasts and Chicken Grease, and have a Happy New Year!

THE ZINE FEST WAS A SUCCESS!!!

WHHOOOO!!!!!!

Had to take a day to come down from being around all those DOPE PEOPLE but the Zine fest ROCKED! Rene and I had 30 copies to sell and we sold 24!!!!

If you missed the Zine Fest stay tuned to see us again in November at the Boston Art Book Fair, and like the Zine Fest, I’ll post details here again.

But the fest was great, TONS of Queer representation which I honestly did not expect but it’s not like I was uncomfortable or anything. Everyone was very friendly, and that’s what matters if you ask me.

I had planned on doing a longer blog but this is it for now!

Thank you to everyone for all the support! It means MORE THAN YOU KNOW TO ME AND DONGO!!!

SWEAT! STRIVE!!! GIVE IT YOUR ALL!!!

I’m gonna start, making T-shirt’s or something, I need to do something else to relieve myself of my emotional burden.

Yes, of course, I am/will consider therapy.

But beyond that:

What’s up party people in the place to be!?

IT’S YA BOI, Coming at’cha HOT AND FRESH with a cool new tidbit/update:

First and Foremost I’m joining the ONE AND ONLY Rene Dongo at the

Water Town Zine Fest!

Saturday, October 15th 2022

Where: Watertown Free Public Library

123 Main Street

Watertown, MA 02472

So Be there or be Square!

We’ll be presenting a Zine we made that is a collection of letters and art we sent back and forth to each other during the start of the pandemic. It’s called “Monster Mail” and it’ll be on sale for $10

Support Local Art!

Anyway, that’s the gist of it, the rest is blah blah ex gf blah blah losing my mind blah blah work is good and I wish I was working harder in school but it just started,

You get it,

SEE YOU IN WATERTOWN!