Hello party people in the place to be, it’s Ya Homie D!
God… I should start with that all the time…
Anyway, how are all the lovely people already off to La La Land?
I’ll got to bed soon after I finish writing this, I just stayed up too late last week Saturday and now I’m regretting it.
what I come to you today with is… even more introspection than per usual.
did I even mention that I signed up for www.masterclass.com ?
Well I did, a few months back and I’d been going through videos taking what I can from each lesson. I’m like 3/30 lessons done.
Most recently, I watched the poetry video by Amanda Gorman, the youth poet laureate that recited for President Biden’s inauguration.
What stood out to me near the end of the video series is that she said it was one of her goals to be an inaugural poet. And while I was mildly seething with jealousy at her early career success it hit me:
What are my goals?
What do I want to do with my art?
What do I intend to accomplish?
Art for me has always been a vehicle for self expression.
It never really occurred to me that you have to want something greater, you have to set a goal for yourself to achieve the dream.
I was just holed up drawing pictures because it made me happy, I didn’t want to think about it as a career, a career that could pay my bills.
In high school I had the vague idea that I’d like to be able ti live off of what I created, not at all considering that maybe I’d need a bit of spotlight to ever achieve that.
And it hit me again, I saw a video that someone sees beauty in art that was never meant to be seen.
But I don’t want a collection of work to pile up or throw away in my home that I made at random intervals because doing so made me “feel good.” I think I could at least shoot for the Hail Mary pass and go for a greater achievement.
But I am very uncertain.
with the idea that many famous and successful people didn’t create their first “hit” until their 40’s, I still have a few years under my belt before I reach that “deciding line” and yet, I’m just so unsure of it all.
Is this what I really want?
Can I just give up, do something else?
Will this make me happy?
Am I happy now?
So many question I feel like I’m forgetting to ask myself, unlike what I did in the past.
Life just twisting and turning and here I am, standing amidst the warped road, head empty, moving one step at a time into the unknown…
Like I said, creating makes me feel good, but can I be, can it be more? Greater?
A mentor I had at artists for humanity painted a mural at Dewey Square in Boston and it was reported on in the news. His reflections, what he was thinking while making the project.
But I don’t give a fuck about that either! LMAO
WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!
I’m unsure and confused and yet I feel like I’m onto something.
That even though this path warps and turns I’m still navigating the correct route…
If that makes sense.