2022 was a rough year for lil’ol Daniel Fairclough.
I suffered an episode of my schizo-affective disorder but managed to contain it enough so that I didn’t have to go to a hospital (for the 6th or 7th time) but all through that episode I had wild notions and accussations about she-who-shall-not-be-named where I developed trust issues.
Thoughts that she was unfaithful during our brief time together.
That she made fun of me at every turn.
That I should’ve known better with my teenage naïveté.
In the end, it’s a chapter of my life I don’t believe I’ll ever get any answers from in regards to the other party, but I’ve become better at being able to leave it where it belongs, in the past.
I’ve started taking my health more seriously, and even managed to lose some weight and inches.
A few hours ago I spent Top Dollar on some workout equipment for the home that I plan to make use of all throughout the year of our Lord, 2023.
As the new year ticks on, and I sit at this desk counting the seconds until my overnight shift is over with, a key revelation for me as the New Year Dawned was “Gratitude.”
In a tweet somewhere deep in the abyss known as the internet, I wrote something like “I am experiencing Gratitude everyday!”
Love, Laughter and Gratitude, from my co-workers and the “higher ups” we’ll call them.
With all the ups and downs I’ve experienced I feel truly blessed to be where I am today and I know, I’m not a millionaire or billionaire, I don’t have a college degree or even someone to go home and love on, but without all of that, I’m still happy, I still feel joy! And that’s incredible. Maybe it doesn’t take much to put a smile on my face sure, but still I’ve been beaming.
So with that being said, do I have any New Years Resolutions?
In short: No.
Years ago I told myself “Whatever you didn’t finish last year, you do next year,” so I kind of have a “To-Do List” that stretches as far back as like 2017 or something. Still, like a Marble Sculpture I’m chipping away at the things on the list. “Rome wasn’t built in a Day” and all that jazz.
But I do plan to workout more, something I never even considered until recently, and do a better job of taking care of my hygiene. Now, that doesn’t mean I smell like a sewer, no, but I have dry skin, and I want to get that in check, mostly.
Now for a Rant:
I recently finished this book on Audible: “In the Buddhas Words” as I’ve begun to re-examine my Buddhist Foundation and I was kind of shock when I found myself thinking “The Theravadyans are just lazy…”
Jump to a few days ago I see this guy Matthieu Richard, a Tibetan Buddhist Monk, is the “Happiest Man on Earth.” Something like he has a larger than average part of his brain that has more activity when it comes to happiness or something. I don’t know, they did some science on him you can look it up.
My point is: Instead of me being in awe and reverence of Buddhism, I got fucking angry. After coming to the conclusion that monks in India were just fucking lazy, Holier than thou Hobos, I was pissed at these articles for trying to upsell literally “sitting down and thinking about all the love you could give and receive.” Like So Fucking What!? He’s a MONK, WHAT THE FUCK DOES HE EVEN HAVE TO PAY BILLS!? YOU’D BE MORE PRODUCTIVE JUST BEING MISERABLE. And I know people say things “uh well if we didn’t have capitalism and all of our needs met what would you/we do?” I DON’T KNOW BUT I DON’T THINK IT’D BE SIT AROUND FUCKING DAY DREAMING ABOUT HOW GOOD LIFE COULD BE AND THEN GIVING ME SOME BULLSHIT ADVICE LIKE YOU KNOW MY LIFE AND HOW I HANDLE MYSELF DAY TO DAY!!!
sigh
And hey, I don’t know this guy either, but the Theravadyans are lazy and the Mahayanans are Nihilists. Buddhism, after being so angry, seems to me like another extension of the Capitalist Machine, meant to sell you your serotonin by telling you to “see the calm in the daily commute” when they’re are two jackknifed trucks quickly leaking gasoline and another engine is about to catch on fire and turn the freeway into 9th circle of hell.
What I’m saying is, even this “Monks perspective” needs fucking perspective.
You’d be better off being miserable.
And this is not sage or expert advice, but you could sit down and dream about Playing a Playstation 5 or you could go out and buy PlayStation 5, and actually fucking play it.
One takes a lot more work and sacrifice, but still, you’d get what you want.
That’s all I’m saying,
as bad or niche of an example as that is.
Happy New Year Everybody,
and Here’s to Many more!