We’ve had conversations in the past about what it means to be “strong” before.
Why am I the inspiration when I have no desire to kill myself?
And yes this madness has brought me to my lowest lows and I can empathize with being suicidal, but if you’ve had a rifle in your mouth and couldn’t pull the trigger try a handgun because the distance is much shorter.
I don’t know who’s “turning up” to save your life but if you give them the chance I don’t think you’re as serious as you claim you are about wanting to kill yourself.
edit: it should be easy for you to get a handgun. You could literally use me as an excuse, that you have an American stalker who might return to the country and you’re purchasing this gun as a form of self-defense.