Probably one of the hardest things to hear in my head when no one is around is how much my ex hates me, unprompted. That she wants me to be shot, wants to smack me, wants me dead, blah blah blah. I’m not perfect by any means, but I don’t think I deserve violence either.
The worst part about this is hearing it, and knowing I’m still in a minor aspect, loving her, while also trying to honor whomever else wants to enter my life with love as well. Like I don’t want jump into a relationship when my ever other thought is about my ex, but also-
I have to try to find some constructive way to move on… I’ve pretty much sworn off marriage and kids, and explored ideas about polyamory, or other non-monogamous consensual roles in relationships, none of it really feels right, and I mostly just want to be alone.