Been thinking about you a lot again. Not really psychosis, a little bit of that, but mostly just passing thoughts. Thinking I miss you, thinking I want you to see me, I want you looking at me, eyes on me.
I don’t know why.
And there’s nothing I can do.
I still have dreams as well.
About two days ago I had this, “vision” of you, on a bed, with a short haircut, brining a black girl gleefully into your arms as you sat on a bed.
I imagined that you were in a lesbian relationship in this vision, but I didn’t see more than 3 seconds. It was there and gone.
I still haven’t tried very hard to get into a relationship. Marriage isn’t on the table for me at this stage in my life, but I do want to be more social. So that’s my New Year’s resolution: get out more.
You don’t need to know that.
You probably don’t want to know that either.
Ah well, this is all I’ve got of you now.
And it’s not you, it’s my thoughts of you, me thinking of you, so really, all I’ve got of you is myself, I’ve only got me…
But isn’t that like saying you’re a part of me? That you were/are so important to me that there’s a bit of you still floating around, consuming me, in your absence?
Sad that it seems only I thought what we had was special.
Time to shut up.