I keep seeing us together as a loving couple.
I’m kind in patient I’m generous.
You’re stroking my short haired scalp.
We’re together we make love.
We go on dates.
I don’t know where or how we live.
The voices interrupt and say it’ll never happen, but these visions persist.
I got high by accident last night and it felt like the voices were telling me everything that was, is and wouldn’t be.
It felt like a final revelation, but here they are again to lady to reinforce your disdain or love or the opposite of me.
I’m beyond pain and heartache.
I’m beyond being distressed.
I know I want to move past this and honor the next love in my life, but there are obstacles, including this, that are in the way.
I feel like I can see that clearly, even if it’s the only thing that I see clearly.
And while I work on myself I just want my past self, or whatever virus that infects my mind with you to know that I am, and always will be, and have always been sincere.
That’s why I didn’t pull any punches.
That’s why I committed my “crime of passion.”
That’s why I wanted you to know what my life plans are and maybe, even if you don’t want to be with me, you could replicate it for yourself.
Because if you are teaching your child to smear and eat their own or someone else’s feces, I doubt you’d be raising her for long.
And if you did commit social suicide from everyone but the office in which you are employed, and are still “contently unimpressive” or whatever new secret blog name you have, what could you be spending money on?
Travel?
What is a luxury for you?
Chocolate?
I feel like it’s obvious you could put all that hard earned money to better use.
To work for you.
And if you are just living until your disease becomes unbearable, if you are actually afflicted with a degenerative bone disease, and what ever brain damage you might have, then it’s all for naught anyway, and you will commit suicide in some fashion, more than you already have in its own, metaphorical aspects, and end you life with a whimper.
That, does make me feel sad.
Only because I think, I hope that we could have been better, as a couple.
Together.
At my job, we have a new resident.
His wife had a stroke and he pushes her around in a wheelchair from time to time, with no lack of love.
I see myself in that.
That’s all I see.