Voices say a lot of things…
One new script is that “you are abstaining from talking to me because you don’t want anything to come between us.”
I honestly wish I could believe something as sweet as that.
Something that gives me hope that I’ll be with you again.
Because like it or not,
willfully or not,
in some twisted, delusional way, I am with you.
And I’m in the part of the relationship where the honeymoon phase is over, but every now and then, on date nights, or whatever, the spark gets rekindled.
At least for me.
I think of the Gorillaz Lyrics for the song “Clint Eastwood” and the lyric goes “And remember that it’s all in your head.”
And I wonder if somehow, I’ve been missing all of these subliminal messages growing up telling me about the effects of drugs and alcohol or hallucinations that feel like reality have always been some internal play, waiting for its curtain call, to start it’s first act as soon as you partake in the illicit substance.
It’s not like it’s methamphetamine psychosis, but it’s psychosis all the same.
But to echo that lyrics “it’s all in my head” I’m the slow E.T. “Kleeborp” form the Robot Chicken Skit, always have been.
Like all things, there’s greater context to one iteration of it, here’s the best hits of E.T. some, if not most, I cannot relate to:
To wrap things up, because I lost my train of thought after watching all that, I just feel stupid.
I know I’ve loved you.
I don’t know if I still Love you.
I’m willing to try again.
I feel like I shouldn’t be so willing to just jump into that fire.
Moving on sucks.
Waiting sucks.
Being out of shape sucks.
Working out sucks.
I wish I never had this burden at all, and yet, it remains.
Edit: This Song-