Two days ago I had a dream about my ex.
Which is, fairly normal, right?
There’s no reason, stereotypically, for a man, like me, to make a big deal out of that.
Anyway, what’s up party people in the place to be, it’s ya’boi, Dan the Man, coming at’cha live at the beginning of the month or near it for another HOT BLOG ENTRY. Ya’love to see it.
I’ve been thinking more and more about my predicament with my ex, not being friends and being blocked on everything, and I don’t know why but it hit me that “wait, isn’t that like normal?”
I literally don’t know anyone that’s friends with their ex. Why did I expect to be friends with her for the rest of my life after a break up? We all know where that leads, regrets, affairs, etc. What the fuck was I thinking?
To tell you the truth, I don’t know. It’s not like she was the only girlfriend I’ve ever had, it’s not like she was the only girl I’ve ever been with, far from it, but I suppose I was so hung up on what felt like such a unique circumstance that our bond must be able to stand the test of time.
None of this occurred to me in my years of madness.
I had been avoiding relationships so much, or I had been in such unique, non sequitur love affairs that I had no idea what it meant to be in a “normal” relationship.
Now a few years removed from my terrible twenties I’m entering my 40’s with even more understanding than what I thought was already sufficient.
Yes the voices are still there but so is my medication.
Yes I do sometimes feel like I love her from the bottom of my heart but she hates my guts.
Yes I was rare to meet someone from Norway but wasn’t it just as rare to meet the girls from Sweden, Costa Rica, Bulgaria, South Africa, and other parts of the world?
It boggles the mind sometimes, and surely you’d agree.
Anyway, I’m about to start the fall semester at UMass, somehow I survived the summer, and sometimes I wake up with the feeling that I’m too overwhelmed to continue on this journey, as if it’d be easier to stay where I am for the rest of my days and die a security guard, a doorman, concierge.
That’s not gonna fucking happen...!